The One Hundred

I’ve been thinking about what to post for T.V. Thursday and as the ideas came through (mostly sitcom-centric) I discovered they all had something in common: they were all shows that have gone off the air. My last TV post was about NewsRadio, a show that is off the air. I referenced Arrested Development, another show – off the air. How long before I get to “Night Court” and “Wings”? Does anyone still care about the high-larious Judge Harry T. Stone? Does anyone still think that Tony Shaloub is actually Italian, since his Antonio Scarpacci was so good? Just me?

I think there are two parts to my dilemma.

One: I have children and if the shows aren’t animated or aimed at kids, we aren’t watching it. We spend dinners watching “Drake & Josh” which at first we just didn’t get and now, after repeated viewings, we have kind of grown to like (much like the time my brother, who owned a boom box when we shared a room, forced listenings of Al B. Sure’s “In Effect Mode” on me – clockwork orange style – to the point where I actually like it now. I also curl up in the fetal position when hearing it but that’s another story.). I enjoy Spongebob possibly more than my boys do as well… but that’s just cause he’s funny.

Two: There really isn’t a lot on right now that I would like to watch. It’s been a while since we watched a show regularly. We used to watch The Sopranos but as soon as Ralph put the beat down on his pregnant stripper mistress, the Mrs. kicked it to the curb, which meant that I pretty much did as well. We recently got into “Heroes” and the first season was really, really good. The second season… eh, not so much. It finally started to get good right when they cruelly had to cut the season short due to the writer’s strike and now… now we have the bane of my existence flooding the channels: Reality T.V. I hate HATE HATE HATE Reality T.V. Now I know that’s a lot of hate to be throwing in or at one direction but, I feel that it has been merited. But really, I should be clear. I hate the fabricated drama of reality T.V. I also hate that I easily get sucked into it. Second season of American Idol… I’m ashamed to admit it but I got sucked in. Hard. I hated myself for it but I managed to salvage what was left of my dignity and root for the fat American Idol and he won! I felt vindicated for a little while… but I still hated myself in the morning.

So where does that leave me? A bunch of shows that I don’t like and the only ones that I do, they don’t make anymore. I guess there’s always the Food Network (Alton Brown FTW!).

That is, unless Spongebob is on.

T.V. Al. B Sure, Clockwork Orange, Spongebob, T.V. shows nobody cares about

The One Hundred’s intrepid sports reporter, Duane, is in Glendale, AZ this week covering the Super Bowl. He was lucky enough to sit down for a once in a lifetime chat with four Hall of Famers – here is the transcript of that exchange.

Duane, Intrepid Sports Reporter

(L to R) John Elway, Howie Long, Dan Marino, Joe Montana

Duane – Tell me guys – Do you think anyone can stop the Patriots? – I mean they scored a record number of points- Tom Brady threw an NFL Record 50 touchdown passes…

Elway – Let me stop you right there, Duane – I actually threw 143 touchdown passes in 1987 – it is just that 124 were thrown so hard that they weren’t able to be seen by conventional television equipment. They traveled so fast they created a wormhole through the fabric of time. Once my team of physicists convinces the NFL to allow “Wormhole Heater” TD passes, that record will rightfully belong to me.

Duane – Riiiiight…so anyway…do any of you think the Giants stand a chance against the Patriots on Sunday….Mr Long?

Long – When Howie play, coach say hit little man with ball. So Howie hit man and man fall down and man-wife cry because man no move legs. Maybe if Giants hit man with ball they can win?

Duane – Yes, good point – putting pressure on Tom Brady is definitely going to be key in this game…Mr Marino – how important do you think the play of Eli Manning is going to be?

Marino – I played in a Super Bowl once – set a bunch of records too…still have some of ‘em…watch this release – hup!

Duane – Ok – you just threw my car keys in the fountain – let’s change the subject – why don’t you guys tell me your favorite Super Bowl memories?

Elway – Oooh…Oooh! Mine has to have been when we beat the San Francisco 49ers 87-55…I had just thrown my 14th TD pass when…

Montana – Hey! We won that game 55-10! You didn’t even have a touchdown pass…

Elway – That you saw.

Montana – That anyone saw! I have watched that game 50 times…

Elway – It’s called science, Joe! The cold hard scientific facts are that I threw a pass to Vance Johnson so hard that it resulted in a miniature big bang inside the Superdome, turning everyone, except myself, in attendance into a baby. Of course, you don’t remember all my awesome plays – you didn’t hit puberty until the 4th quarter.

Marino – I think I remember that…

Elway – I nursed you, Joe. I nursed you and changed your diapers during Super Bowl XXIV and you still won’t sign my petition to allow Wormhole Heaters or Armageddon Marys…

Long – Super Bowl was hot. Howie remember the heat on the line. It was like playing in a…a….

Elway – *snicker* a Firestorm, Howie? *snicker*

Long – Yeah, like that. And I remember breaking man’s leg. It looked like a…a…

Montana – *snicker* a Broken Arrow, Howie? *snicker*

Long – Yeah, like that….Hey!

Marino – Radio Shack! Hup!

(At this point Dan Marino threw my tape recorder against the wall effectively ending the interview. Although I did receive a call from him later that day asking me if I thought his release looked “quick”. I said yes and he asked if I wanted to hang out. I said no. – Duane)

Duane, Intrepid Sports Reporter, Whatever

Before I get started, let me just say, this was my experience being an employee of [company name redacted]. I also think that my often drunk boss [name redacted] probably had something to do with this as well. I’ve never worked in another theater so I can’t say that this is the norm. I can only pray that it isn’t.

I used to work in a movie theater as an usher. It seems like a lifetime ago now, but for about a year I did. Being a movie freak, I thought it would be a great job – easy line on the cool movie posters, free movies, free concessions. But it was not to be. It was far from the glamorous life that I pictured it. I discovered this right around the time that I had to go and mop up the bathrooms. Not fun.

I did however have the opportunity to see any movie anywhere in any theater (owned by the company I worked for, of course) and even bring a friend, but I never did. I worked there for about a year and I couldn’t bring myself to go to my workplace on my day off.

I luckily never had to remove people for being unruly. I had to wake someone up once though. I think he was homeless. I felt kind of bad though as I remember him paying to get in and it seemed like all he wanted to do was sleep in a dark place that was semi-safe for about two hours. After he left, I found the remains of something that didn’t remotely look like anything that we sold. So sleep and eat… something… for about two hours.

Concessions were always fun. We would start the day by opening up the big metal barrels of coconut oil. Of course it wasn’t oil when we opened it. It had congealed into a paste and it needed to be melted down. So we had this big metal rod that we shoved into the goo and we would plug in the rod and it would slowly heat up and turn the tub of lard into a tub of oil. This, folks, is your butter flavoring. I loved that too. “Would you like butter flavoring on your popcorn?” Not butter. Butter flavoring. Ick.

I know some of the girls that ran concessions, ran other things too. We had to keep inventory on bags and cups so we knew how many were sold versus how much money was taken in. But sometimes the girls forgot their lunch money so, solution? Take a bag that was mostly unused (read: not battered all to hell) — from the garbage — and restock it with popcorn for the next person. The money never went into the register but rather into the girls’ pockets.

It wasn’t all bad though. I met some celebrities (Harry Morgan, Jamie Lee Curtis, Billy Crystal). I remember one time when one usher who was working the front door was berating a couple for not wanting to throw away their drinks before coming in to see the movie — the company had a strict no outside food policy. He was from Tibet and he was very proud to do his job correctly. But being from Tibet also prevented him from realizing that he was chastising Emilio Estevez and Paula Abdul (told you it was a long time ago). I still can’t figure out why either two coffees or two movie tickets were the source of so much trouble for them. Why not just give up on one? Good times.

So, in the end, this job wasn’t all that hard but it really left a mark on me. So much so that I didn’t go to a movie theater for about a year after I stopped working there. I eventually made it back though and I have enjoyed them ever since.

I’m just always hesitant to order the popcorn.

Theater Guys from Tibet, Old Jobs, Used Popcorn Bags, Weird Celebrities

Over here at The One Hundred, Rockin’ It is job #1. (Followed closely by Taxin’ It, Waxin’ It, and Washing the Coffee Pot) However, rockin’ is not strictly limited to Music Mondays – so here is a taste of how we be doin’ it the rest of the week!

Tuesday – “I have never even heard of 75% of these people. This all sucks.” – Me, watching the Hit List music channel while eating at a BBQ place in Sherman Oaks.

Wednesday – Still amazed that the opening notes of Wheels on the Bus can make my daughter go bananas, especially considering that we have listened to it in the car about 3.8 billion times

Thursday – “I have never even heard of these people. This sucks. KROQ sucks. It used to be good” – Me, listening to KROQ

Friday – Thought about buying something off of iTunes with a gift certificate I got at my office Holiday party. Didn’t.

Saturday – I had a dream that I was cursed to have Raffi songs playing in a continuous loop in my head forever…for-e-ver…for-e-ver

The scary part was that every time I woke up that night I had Willoughby Wallaby Woo stuck in my head, so I thought my dream was coming true.

It didn’t.

Sunday – “Ya know – Middle of the Road by The Pretenders has held up especially well over the years. I should download that with my gift certificate.” – Me.

Music

This week, we’re pulling back the curtain a little and letting you have a peek on how the blog went from a list of things awesome to a place for us to just write about whatever we want. This of course has nothing to do with us not having anything ready today. Of course.

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Enjoy!

JS=Deep Red JH=Gred

So, yes. We hope to have guest bloggers in the near future. And we also hope to never have to dig through our old emails again to come up with a post. Which is so not what we did here. Honest.

FQotD Guest Bloggers, Magic, Peek, Plan B, We're not lazy - Really!