The Movies That Ate My Afternoon
Ok, so as you read this, you might be thinking, “Shouldn’t this be for T.V. Thursday? He’s talking about watching T.V.!” While this is true I would like to offer up the possibility of a gray area here because I’m talking about watching movies on T.V. Or, more to the point, movies, no matter how good or bad, you always watch on T.V. Movies you are powerless against when you happen upon them while surfing. Movies that, once on, cause you to put down the remote control, get comfy in your chair of choice and say goodbye to the rest of the afternoon*.
1. The Shawshank Redemption: The funny thing about this movie is that I never saw it in the theater and I saw it long after it had debuted on DVD. I heard it was good but I just never saw it. Then I did and I fell in love. Then, as luck would have it, TNT shows this movie for a whole weekend about once every other month and while I wouldn’t say I plan my afternoons around it, I think subconsciously, I know when I need to be home.
Favorite Scene: When Andy locks himself in the warden’s office and plays the opera piece over the P.A. system. I love the music there and Red’s voice over describing what he thought they were singing about… just magic.
2. Die Hard with a Vengeance: Another TNT favorite. I do have to say that I think this is my favorite DH behind #1 (#2 was largely forgettable). This is due largely to the fact that the Bad M-F’er himself, Samuel L. Jackson is in it. Plus it has the tie to the first movie with Hans Gruber’s brother behind all the madness. Good times.
Favorite Scene: “You get his hands, I’ll get his feet”
3. The Warriors: Sadly this film is not on as much as it used to be but boy, growing up, many, many, many Saturday and Sunday afternoons were past watching this movie. Who wouldn’t love the heartwarming tale of a rascally group of youngsters from Coney Island fighting their way through a nightmarish version of New York just to get back home? Oh yeah, and all of the gangs in NYC are out to get them too! Sweeeet.
Favorite Scene: While there are so many scenes to choose from (“Warriors… come out to pla-a-ay”, “See what you get? See what you get when you mess with the Orphans?”) I have to say that any scene with the totally awesome Baseball Furies in it is my favorite. I wanted to be one of them for Halloween when I was a kid… sometimes I still do.
4. The Last Dragon: Another film from my youth and possibly the most bizarre. It’s about… well, let’s see what Wikipedia has to say:
“Set in New York City, the plot follows a black teenage martial arts student named Leroy Green (often referred to as “Bruce Leroy”, although he never actually calls himself that). With dreams of becoming a great martial artist like his idol Bruce Lee, Leroy goes on a quest to achieve the highest level of martial arts accomplishment, known as “The Glow”. As its name suggests it is a mystical energy that can be tapped into by a martial arts master. When a fighter’s hands glow, he is one of the best in the world and when his entire body glows, he is the greatest fighter alive. On his journey to find “The Glow” Leroy must confront villains such as a crooked arcade mogul Eddie Arcadian and the evil Sho’nuff, the Shogun of Harlem, from which he must also protect his younger brother Richie and his girlfriend, VJ Laura Charles.”
See? How could you not want to see that? Plus, keep an eye out for William H. Macy (yes, that one) in a very small supporting role. Bet you won’t find this one on his resume!
Favorite Scene: Oh, this movie is filled with magic moments but when Eddie Arcadian is hiring Sho’nuff — the Shogun of Harlem — to go after Bruce Leroy, he calls him “Mr. Nuff” and it kills me every time. Oh and “Am I meanest? Am I the prettiest? Am I the baddest mofo low down around this town? Well who am I?” Answer to all the above: Sho’nuff. Oh, and of course, the final fight when Leroy gets “The Glow”.
5. Rush Hour: I am a sucker for Chris Tucker. Have you seen “Friday”? ‘Nuff said. The second and the third Rush Hour’s don’t really seem to interest me that much but the first one, there’s some really funny moments in it. And yes, Jackie Chan’s stunts are pretty amazing but it’s Chris Tucker that keeps drawing me in.
Favorite scene: And after all that Chris Tucker praise, my favorite scene doesn’t even have him in it. It’s the scene that leads up the Counselor Han’s daughter being kidnapped. She’s on her way to school and the driver is not only forced to hear Mariah Carey’s “Fantasy” at a very loud volume, he is also forced to listen to the daughter’s attempt to imitate Ms.Carey as well. He rolls his eyes and America rolls its eyes with him. Good stuff. Also, I love the gag reel during the end credits “Show me your ass!” Classic.
*Thanks and apologies to my ever patient wife who I’ve caused to hate almost all of these movies due to repeat viewings. Especially #2.
**Thanks to Jake for asking me about this in the first place.
MOVIES ON TNT?!… DREADFUL!!!! Maybe we need to change lives- my wife is all about movies on TNT especially Die Hard with a Vengeance and/or Air Force One- which like COPS always seems to be on somewhere. I’m up for watching old great movies but I can not abide Sam Jackson saying “Mother Duster” in place of the original, more colorful option.
i seem to only like to watch comedies on TV, dramas require you to watch all the way through and i like to surf and come back for my favorite parts – i always like to stop and watch Dumb and Dumber, Vacation, Tommy Boy, etc., etc.
As much as I love to watch movies in a theater, my television attention span is about 3 nanoseconds
Andy – I second that emotion. One of the worst moments of my life was watching Do the Right Thing on TV and having to sit through Spike Lee “saying” Minky-Finky through-out the entire last scene
Don’t even get me started on Pulp Fiction…
It isn’t so much that I prefer the TNT versions, it’s just that’s what’s on. Yes, I do own 3 of my 5 but how often do you pull out your own DVD’s to watch the non-edited versions? When I happen upon theses movies while mindless surfing, it’s like striking gold — especially now since 98% of my DVD collection is in boxes and will remain so for over a year. I’ll take Mother Duster any day over no Mother Duster at all (plus this means I can watch these movies around my impressionable children who will surely be belittled later in life for using terms like “Mother Duster”). That being said, with a movie like Pulp Fiction where the dialogue is kind of the focus of the film, watching an edited version would be just painful and wrong and thus, is not recommended.
Still, everyone has their five, so Andy, what are yours?
AAaaaah, the Top 5 list!!! One of my favorites, especially when someone’s honest and says ‘Weekend at Bernies’ right after they try to impress everyone with ‘Citizen Kane’!! My top 5… Godfather (the scene in the garden is very reminiscent of my childhood), Armageddon (c’mon, AWESOME bad movie, maybe the best ever), the Rock (I know, I know, but that Michael Bay knows how to make a great popcorn movie), Kelly’s Heroes (Savalis is the coolest man to ever live) and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (easily the best ‘buddy’ movie ever). There are of course a few honorable mentions… Big, Money Pit, Sixteen Candles (‘Does that really matter, guy?’), Cinema Paradiso, the Graduate, Convoy (if you’ve never seen the Sam Peckinpah/Kris Kristofferson trucker movie, go see it now). Good times, good times.
Top 5 – I’ve recently spent about 5 days on the couch and these were some of the reasons why. Please note quotes may not be exact wording, so sorry if offend any purists.
1. Shawshank Redemption – I totally agree with you, John
2. Forrest Gump – Invariably, I always cry at 2 points in this movie. But, i do like the part where he says “sorry i ruined your black panther party…”
3. The Rock – what would i know, “I’m just a biochemist”
4. The Karate Kid – I can imitate the bird move where he kicks Johnny’s ass at the end, and then Johnny says, “LaRuso, you’re all right man”. However, TNT or whoever it was cut the ending scene out where Mr. Miyagi honks the Cobra Kai instructor’s nose. I can say that I felt legitimately cheated that afternoon.
5. Star Wars (a new hope) – “I got one! Alright kid, don’t get cocky”