What If? Wednesday
When I was in high school there was a record store that I used to frequent on an almost daily basis. After school got out and before I had to be at work I could usually be found perusing the (limited, I must admit) selection at Lou Langes Music Bar. So, you can imagine my surprise when I picked up the local paper one day to read that none other than Bruce Springsteen had made an appearance in the store the previous day. (Yes, this was news in Brawley, CA). I was devastated. One of the rare days I didn’t go in and one of my all-time musical heros pops in for a visit. Ever since then I have wondered what would have happened if I had been there that day.
What would have happened indeed…
Scenario #1: A young Jon Harmon, clutching a handful of classic blues and R&B cassettes, is stopped by The Boss. He is so impressed by the youngsters taste in music that he decides to make him his protégé.
Outcome: Bruce moves into a spare room in my house and proceeds to school me in the ways of the guitar. After two years of learning how to make it “talk”, we hit the road with the E-Street Band. Only now up there alongside “Miami” Steve, “Mighty” Max, “The Big Man”, and “Professor” Roy Bittan is ace axe-man Jon “Two All Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions on a Sesame Seed” Harmon. (It is a private joke between Bruce and I – you people wouldn’t understand)
Scenario #2: Bruce spies me holding of copy of Highway 61 Revisited by Bob Dylan. He nods approvingly.
Outcome: I am invited on tour as Bruce’s own personal “vest wrangler”.
Scenario #3: Bruce spies me holding of copy of To the Extreme by Vanilla Ice (yes, i actually purchased this). He nods, but less approvingly than before.
Outcome: Still on tour. But must now hand wash Little Stevens bandanas after each gig.
Scenario #4: Upon seeing El Jefe, I urinate uncontrollably (which, in predictable Three Stooges fashion, he has to slip and fall into) and run out of the store, knocking down his motorcycle in the process. I then urinate on his motorcycle while making disparaging remarks about John Hammond. I don’t know why – I guess the stress must have gotten to me.
Outcome: No, no, noooooooooooooooo!
