Duane’s Log: The Insider
Ahoy hoy! Duane here with a special guest: teen tournament semi-finalist Todd Faulkenberry who is going to give us the insiders perspective on this whole crazy scene. Welcome Todd!
Todd: It is great to be here, Duane.
Duane: Tell me Todd, how did you go about preparing for the Teen Tournament?
Todd: Well, there was a lot of outside study work and…
Duane: Yeah, fascinating stuff… You know what, Todd? I have applied for a job at ESPN 175 times over the past two years and do you know what happened?
Todd: No, I don’t…
Duane: Well, let me paint you a picture, Brainiac. They took all my resumes and videotapes…and…and 8X10 color glossy pictures and they put them through an industrial shredder. They then used all the little pieces as confetti during a sports championship celebration.
Todd: Hey, that is pretty cool. How many people can say that has happened to them? Which championship was it?
Duane: um…(unintelligible mumbling)…
Todd: I didn’t quite catch that?
Duane: It was the WNBA, ok. Happy?
Todd: Bwaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! What a burn. You must be one pathetic loser….
Duane: Get out! Get out! You are welcome in the SportsVan 3000 no more…well, now that that unpleasantness is taken care of; let’s bring in our next guest – Katie Gill. Welcome Katie!
Katie: Hello
Duane: Tell us about the selection process for the Teen Tournament.
Katie: Well, first you have to take a really hard test and then…
Duane: Real compelling stuff, Katie, I am on the edge of my seat…Do you know why I have been turned down for jobs by ESPN, ABC, NBC, Fox Sports Net, Fox Sports West, Fox Sports Northeast, Fox Sports Southwest, Fox Sports Niland…
Katie: No, I can’t say I do…
Duane: It is because I am a pioneer. While all these sportscasters are using their lame catchphrases, I have come up with something new – catch-faces. Wanna see?
Katie: Maybe…
Duane: Here is my patented move – I do my highlight and then wiggle my moustache and wink my right eye – watch. Tiger Woods hits the ball a looooong way! (wiggle, wiggle, wink)
Katie: um yeah…
Duane: Brandon Jacobs rumbles in for a touchdown! (wiggle, wiggle, wink)
Katie: You’re starting to creep me out…
(wiggle, wiggle, wink)
Katie: Mom…
(wiggle, wiggle, wink)
Katie: Moooommmmmmmmmy!
