Zombie Loves Pukey: A Sitcom
Alright so no one took me up on my suggestion of writing something about that picture Jon put up yesterday so I guess I have to.
“Zombie Loves Pukey”
We fade in on a side room at the local VFW where it looks like good times are about to be had. Orange Pants Suit lady is tidying up around the desk…
OPSL: Let’s see, Jim Beam, Southern Comfort, Popov, Seven-Up for my Seven and Sev-… where’s the Seagram’s? I have to have the Seagram’s!
enter Zombie
Zombie: Braaaaiiinnnnssss….
[applause]
OPSL: Oh, there you are. Can you do me a favor and help me find my Seagram’s? People are going to start arriving for this party and I have to make sure I have a drink before then. I’m so nervous.
Zombie: Braaaiinnsssss…
OPSL: Yes, I know people will probably be fashionably late but all that means is that I get to have two drinks before everyone gets here. Now stop complaining and start looking!
Zombie: grumble grumble braaaainnnssss grumble grumble
Zombie looks around the room and finds something under the bed
Zombie: Braiinnnss?
OPSL: Zombie. That’s a can of beer. We’re looking for a bottle. A. Bottle.
Enter Pukey holding an empty Seagram’s bottle
[canned laughter and applause]
Pukey: Hey! Wheresh the party at? Woooo! *burp*
OPSL: That had better not be my Seagram’s lady! I was about to get my swerve on!
Zombie: …braaaainnnsss…?
OPSL: Oh shut up! I can too use that word!
Pukey: Keep your pants on shister, I got another bottle right here.
Pukey starts to look green
Pukey: But first I’m gonna sit down here… and you might want to pass me that trash can… ugh…
Zombie: B..ugh…raaaaiinnnnssss…
OPSL: Yeah, I don’t want to look either.
Pukey stares down into the trash can… waiting…
Pukey: Oh, man, that’s the last time I drink that stuff… Give me a beer.
OPSL passes Pukey a beer and gives her a look of sadness and dissapointment.
OPSL: Uh-huh. That’s what you said at the last party — where, I would like to remind you, you also said that you would never wear that awful pink skirt with hose that are far too tight but it doesn’t look like that promise lasted either.
Zombie: Braaaaainnnnsss!
OPSL: So why is it ok for you to say “Oh Snap!” and I can’t get my swerve on?
[canned laughter]
Zombie: ….braaaaainnnnssss…
OPSL: Oh. Well, I hadn’t thought of that.
[canned laughter]
Pukey: Hey, who just came into the room and what is he holding? Is that a cam- ulp…blarrrgghh!
There’s a flash — we freeze frame and fade into commercial.
So who came into the room? And why is he holding a camera? Let me know in the comments!
