Old school or lightning round? I wanna do something today. Who’s turn is it?

Your turn. Let’s kick it old skool!

Ok, I dunno if these are lame or not – if they’re lame, it’s your turn.

1. What movie(s) freaked you out so much that you had trouble sleeping? (Poltergeist does not count because that freaked everyone out so, duh.) Why? What parts in particular?
2. Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions? What was the best and worst fortune you ever got and do you add “in bed” in your head or out loud?

Not a fan of these questions. Let’s see — If you were required to participate in the high school talent show, what would you do for your act?

Talent show… this is assuming that I have a talent that is acceptable for public viewing. hmmm.

I guess I would have to go with jokes or something like that. I can’t sing. I can’t/don’t dance. I don’t play an instrument. It would have to be something funny because that’s my best shot at getting through it. Fat guys can generally bring the funny because that is often all they got to fall back on.

No interpretive dance? *click*

Been there, done that. It wasn’t received well – but we were ahead of our time. History will vindicate us in the end.

Also, this just in, the phrase “vindicate us in the end” sounds vaguely salacious and possibly harmful. Speaking of salacious — What would you rather your family find out about you – that you “star” in adult films or that you are a heavy drug user? Why is one more embarrassing than the other?

I think they would be more relieved to find out I was in adult films – at least you won’t OD doing that. They both carry a social stigma, but drugs could probably do a lot more harm to you in the long run.

Ok, devil’s advocate: Same question except now it’s gay porn and the drug being used is pot.

…

…

…

Am I the pitcher or catcher?

After a much needed hiatus, the Lightning Round is back once again to give you bits of information that you could care less about and leave you disappointed and wanting the 2 to 3 minutes of your life back (please leave our wives out of this). As always, John is in blue and Jon is in red. On to the questions!

What’s your favorite card game?

I like poker (hold’em) but I’ve also been known to play Magic: The Gathering a few times as well (Nerd!). There’s a game we have now called Munchkin that is a lot of fun as well. Favorite? Hold’em.

I too would have to say Hold ‘Em, but there is also something to be said for a rousing game of Uno. Also, what was that card game we used to play at our first apartment in LA?

What’s your favorite roll-the-dice-and-move game?

I don’t know if I have one of those. For some reason “Monopoly” comes to mind but that game, to me, always seems like a good idea and then around hour 3, you’re willing to kill someone just to end the game. So, that being said, I’m going to go with “Sagred-opoly”.

Does Trivial Pursuit count? If so, I would have to say that is my favorite, followed by Life and Monopoly.

What’s your favorite playground game?

Back in the olden days (I’m talking when Mammoths still roamed freely) when I used to run and be active, I would have to say that kick-ball was my favorite. I remember a particular game during my fifth grade year. I was “pitching” and just as I was about to throw the ball, the bell rang and when the bell rang, we were supposed to freeze (the dumbest thing ever – but whatever). The girl I was pitching to kept saying “Pitch the ball. Pitch the ball! Pitch the damn ball!” because she wanted to have her last… at bat? at kick?… but I was too in fear of getting a dreaded “red card” to do so. This affected her so much that at the end of the year she wrote “Pitch the damn ball!” in my copy of our reasonable facsimile of a yearbook. It apparently also affected me so much that I chose to write about it 25 years… really? 25 years? Damn… later.

It is all about the Four Square.

What’s your favorite party game?

I’ve not been to enough parties to know of a single party game. I do however have fond memories of our Murder Mystery Dinner Parties. Those were fun. I have pictures around here somewhere…

I like the one where you have to put the name of a famous person in a hat and then you draw the names out and you have to act it out and see how many people can guess correctly in a short amount of time.

What’s your favorite computer game?

I thought this one would be hard but turns out, it’s not. Civilization. It’s the new crack.

Spider Solitaire and Free Cell

This week’s victim: Andy Bowker.

What is your favorite animal?

Elephant

Were you an honor roll student in school?

I remember that I graduated “with honors” but I don’t remember being on the honor roll.

Do you like your name?

I really do like my name now. I remember as a kid I insisted my parents call me “Jim” for about a week. Jim is a cool name or at least it was in 1982.

What’s your favorite drink?

Cheap Gin and Tonic

Would you give me $5?

Absolutely

Thanks Andy. I’ll be looking for that fiver in the mail. Have a good weekend everybody!

1. No.
2. Maybe.
3. Yes.
4. Once, but i was really drunk.

So I sprung a little five(ish) question interview on my wife — and I gave her five minutes to answer. She was in-between meetings and she needed to answer nature’s call as well, so the pressure was on like donkey kong. Here are the (short and terse) results.

What is your favorite animal?

Tiger

Were you an honor roll student in school?

Yes.

Do you like your name?

No.

Follow up: Do you wish it was something else?

Yes. Maybe something cool like Britney or Madison. Just kidding…

What’s your favorite drink?

Iced Tea.

Would you give me $5?

Why do you need $5?

That’s my baby! Have a good weekend!

Yeah, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Just to refresh your memory I’m blue, Jon’s red. Hopefully this is a sign of more writing to come. Enjoy it while it lasts.

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?

Right here. Doing work. Wishing I wasn’t.

Eating pizza in Santa Monica

2. Last person’s house you were in?

Aunt Janet’s in Downey. Right before the cruise.

Probably sister-in-laws house for a birthday party

3. Name 4 things you always have with you:

Head, arms, legs, feet — beaty beat beat beaty beat clap clap!

Car keys, house keys, cell phone, wallet

4. What do you do most when you’re bored?

I guess try to stop… being bored? Video games, read, or if the kids allow it, sleep.

I wish I had time to be bored!

5. Last time you swam in a pool?

My brother had us all over to his boss’ house (huge house) over the fourth of july weekend. He had a nice pool and we all had a grand time. We bbq’ed too. Awesome.

I don’t know – may have been three years ago in Vegas

6. Ever made a prank phone call?

I think I tried once. I with a friend of my brother’s and it seemed like a good idea at the time, but when you live in a predominantly mexican area, chances of you dialing up someone who speaks only spanish are pretty good. Add to that an inability to actually speak spanish pretty much renders the prank call moot — so really now, you’re just bothering someone with an attempt at humor. And that’s just sad. We stopped after one try.

Not that I can recall

7. Who tells the best jokes?

I have a bunch of favorite comedians but, the guy who almost always gets me laughing until my stomach hurts and I’m crying and I have trouble breathing is Matt. “Groucho Marx! Ow… my… Burt Reynolds!” I guess you had to be there (although Mabel was there and she never thought it was as funny as we did).

I have always been partial to Brian Regan

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

I’ve had an admirer, she wasn’t really secret about it either — but nothing ever came from it as I was otherwise involved at the time.

Yes, Doug Dyer

9. What’s your favorite fruity scent?

Lemon.

Watermelon

10. Have you ever been to a gay bar?

I have. With Jon. We were there to sign Mabel up to a softball league – After walking through the dance room (which was already going at full steam with music and lights and everything – even though it was only three or four in the afternoon and no one was in it) I felt myself tense up and I immediately started hitting Jon in a very guy type way. I wasn’t really aware of it until later when I recounted the events to my then girlfriend who found it very funny – accurately summing up the act as me stating “I’m a man!” for no one else’s benefit but my own. Good times.

More times than i can remember

Do you think you got what it takes to face us in the lightning round?

Do you have an abundance of burning/random/personal questions that you need answered by your favorite bloggers — or by us, if they aren’t available?

Send them in

and you may have your questions answered on… The Lightning Round!

So what did we do in Vegas? Well, I’ll start with when Jon got there.

Jon got there Saturday morning with Andy and Victor in tow. Upon arrival, they almost immediately went food shopping at the local Vons.

Upon their return, the rest of us (Ted, Jake, Don, Brian and me) started up our Fantasy Football draft (Yes, we’re dorks. We know.).

About 5 hours later we were done and pretty much everyone else left to the nearest casino sports book to see some preseason football — while Jon and I stuck around to clean up.

After that Dave (my brother who was hiding himself away in our room while the rest of the dorks were in the lving room drafting) took me and Jon to the sports book with the rest of the fellas.

At some point later, we made it to the MGM Grand to finally eat. Oh, and we had Andy with us at this point as well.

We then decided to head back over to New York, New York to gamble. I won some money. I think Jon lost some money. Ted couldn’t lose money if he tried. Dave watched his Chargers win. Jake lost money. Andy got his buzz on. I believe Brian lost money (but not his pants thankfully). Still not sure about the status of Don and Vic’s money.

By 11:30 we were at home, discussing the teams that we had drafted earlier in the day.

By 12:30, we were asleep.

I was on a plane the next morning at 11:20 which means I was out of the condo by 8:30. What happened after I left remains a mystery.

*All references to any prohibited drug use, strippers — male and female, hookers — male and female, happy endings, arson, grand theft auto, larceny, assault, battery, breaking and entering, racketeering, perjury, embezzlement, jaywalking and general tomfoolery have been removed from this post to protect the individuals involved.